Living Will jokes

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Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...

Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?

Doctor: 9... 8... 7...

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

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    • A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.

    So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."

    The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"

    The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."

    A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

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    • Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

    Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

    Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

    Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

    "One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

    What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.

    I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

    Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"

    Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"

    On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

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    • What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

    A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.