List jokes
Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
Peyton: Okay guys, no talking about dumb and stupid things that are not important.
Ysabella: No!!!
Peyton: Oh SHUT YOUR FACE THE HECK UP!
Navaya: That makes no sense.
Isaiah: I know, right.
Kenya: You don't tell us what to do, you control freak.
Ysabella: Shush.
Kenya: BLAH!
Peyton: Now we shall be watching some amazing things on YouTube. Subject: math. aka BORING!!!!
Andre: Say, how old are you?
Kenya: What?
Andre: I'm asking her how old she is.
Peyton: That's none of your beeswax.
Andre: Okay then.
9 hours later.
Peyton: Okay class, time for science!!!
Kenya: Okay, what are we doi...
Peyton: SHUSH!!!
Ysabella: Shush.
Peyton: We aren't doing anything but playing around with all this STUFF!!! heheheheehe.
Navaya: No, thanks.
Peyton: Yes, thanks!
Mariah: Why? Oh, for science.
Peyton: Shut your mouth and watch me do this science work!!!
10 hours later.
Peyton: What else?
Ysabella: Well we can play games since that's all we have!
Peyton: WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND BY SHUTING YOUR MOUTH UPPPP!?!?!?! HMMMMMMMM?
Ysabella: Sorry!
Peyton: Then act like it!
Kenya: Shush!
Peyton: Shush!
Andre: Shush. Shush!
Mariah: Andre?
Andre: Shush!
1 hour later.
Peyton: Well we have a lot of E.L.A. work to do.
Ysabella: Sweetie this is Math and Science class! Not the other classes. Peyton mocking Ysa: Sweetie this is Math and Science class. Not the other classes. I know things!
Andre: Then act like you know things.
Kenya: True.
Oliver: True that.
Peyton: SHUT IT!!!
Oliver: No! Geez.
2 hours later, clock time (7:00)
Peyton: Whooohooo we got our E L A done now time for- Ysabella: I'm going to stop you right there! We have been working all morning from 5:00 a.m. to this o'clock a.m.! Sooo KNOCK IT OFF!!
Andre: Yes, thank you Ysabella, you are now at the top of my friend list!
Ysabella: What? Whatever!
Peyton: Fine, go somewhere else and whine about it 'cause I idc!
Kingston: What does that mean, ohhhhhh.
Peyton: Idc.
Ysabe: IDC what does that mean?
Kingston: "I don't care".
3 hours has passed now and it turned to 8:00 a.m.
Peyton: What do guys want to do?
Ysabella: Play games.
Kingston: Draw!
Andre: Go home!
Peyton: Please. Well I'm picking so haha.
Kenya: Here it says that we can pick the things we want to do, it just can't be harmful or bad for us!
Oliver: Really it says that?
Kenya: Yeah, right here.
Oliver: Noice.
Peyton: Oh, go play!
Kenya: Good, byeeee!
Oliver: Peace!
1 hour later. Ysabella: Woohoo, okay yes. Kingston: What's going over there? Navaya: I don't know... oh she's playing a game! I think that's Interland, wow she is on level 78. super cool! Kingston: She on what?
Navaya: Shush, shush, shush, shush! Kingston: RUDE!! Ysabella: Whoooohooooooooooooooo!!!! Navaya: Yeah go ysa! Kingston: What is she doing- Navaya: SHUSH!!!! Kingston: WhAtEvEr!!!!! Navaya: Oliver, Mariah, Kenya! Ysa just made it to level 89!!!! Yeeeeeee!! Oliver: Cool. Mariah: ?. Kenya:?
1 hour later. still 8:00.
Ysabella: I'm on level 89,000,890. WOW!!!!
Kenya: How? Kingston: MOVE!!! Kenya: OWWW!!! Kingston: Sorry Uh I did not mean to do that, are you okay? Kenya: What do you think? Navaya: Guys stop hugging, and get over here. Kenya: Gross! Kingston: Dude? Braylon: Guys shut up!! Kenya and Kingston: WE GOT IT!!!
Ysabella: Your on level 90,890,9795, 4839,86903,6960,6 9506.996 WOOOOOOOOW!!! Kenya: That's a lot of numbers!! Kingston: SuRe is!
2 hours later, 9:09 a.m, Peyton: Okay GUYS THAT'S ENOUGH GAMES FOR RIGHT NOW! Leilani: Why Ysa so close to her winning streak of reaching 900.138.902 milion billion points and levels on Interland!! Yeeeey.Peyton: Wow, great, cool, amazing!! Who CARES!!!! I KNOW I DON'T!!!
Leilani: Yeah that's cause your heartless person! Who agrees?
All the class raised their hands. Peyton: Blah! Leilani: WHATEVER!
Peyton: Anyway the boss said that she wants us to do social studies. Who likes too? I know I don't.
5 hours later 10:10 a.m, Peyton: Okay let's see I'm reading from the passage "The great plains experienced a drought from 1932 to 1939. This nat- Madison: The answer is dust bowl! That's the answer... we did this in class and turned all our work in so y'all know yeah, end of the story. Peyton: Well what about Kenya? Kenya: I did it. Mariah: We all did it! Andre: Did you do it? Peyton: Of course I did the social studies work! Duh, I'm not an idiot. Andre: Well sure, that's what you think!
Peyton: Okay guys what shall it be for lunch? Any choices cause this is a one time thing, no seconds.
Raymond: Uh tacos.
Kingston: Wrong! Pizza!
Raymond: It's not Friday!
Ysabella: Guys stop, this is a one time thing, no second chances. They choose Pizza and Tacos. Kingston: Whateves. Raymond: No! Peyton: Okay fine I'll chose... and we will have Pizza and tacos with soda PLEASE and thanks. Raymond: Will that's not bad but I DON'T LIKE PIZZA!!! Navaya: Shut up Raymond, you're going to ruin this for us!
1 hour later.
Peyton: Okay guys, now let's get back to work!! NOW!
Kenya: No, we already did our work!
Peyton: Sure you did! Peyton rolls her eyes.
Navaya: Did you do all your work Miss.Hickman? Hmmm.
Ysabella: Yes, answer that question! Hehehehehe.
Peyton: Heheh hell.
Kingston: OOOOOOOOO you said the H word! Peyton: K so?
Kenya: Here it states "No kids shall use bad words also known as profanity in the school halls and inside the classroom". Kingston: Dang, wow! Kenya: Thanks!!
2 hours later. Peyton: Attention everyone! Attention!
Janiah: What is it now! Kenya: Yeah. David: Yes Ms. Hickman? What, I have manners. Alexis: WHAT!? Peyton: Thanks for the loud attention! Okay that's the past now who wants to learn Spanish? Janiah: Why? Not that that's a bad thing but why... WHY WOULD WE WANT TO LEARN SPANISH?! Kenya: Many reasons so we can begin a big way to not having to go to Spanish classes and other nonsense! Peyton: Sure that too and plus we're all bored right? Right!
56 mins later. Peyton: So how do you say Hello in Spanish? Kingston. Kingston: Hola, duh everyone knows that! Oliver: I don't, so thanks King thanks! Peyton: How do you say "Hello, how are you" in Spanish?
Ysabella: Hola, como estas? Boom did it! I got an A! Kenya: Good job! Ysabella: Gracias. Peyton: Wow, way to show off. how do you...
Kenya: How do you say "This is stupid" in Spanish oh wait "Esto es estupido" trust me I looked it up!! Alexis: Wow!!! did you use translate? Kenya: Si
55 mins later. Peyton: How do you say "Everyone in here is acting like jerks and morons, they won't stop interrupting me and won't SHUT THEIR faces like I asked them too do multiple times" anyone? Nevaeh Daniels raised her hand, go on Nev! Nevaeh: Todos aquí están actuando como idiotas y Imbécil, no dejarán de interrumpirme y no CERRARÁN SUS caras como les pedí que lo hicieran varias veces?
Peyton: Yes!!! But I meant that as a sarcastic type of way! Kenya: Okay freee time!!! Everyone cheers!!!
To be continued.... This is about a 11 year old girl in charge in her classroom and spending the rest of the week with annoying classmates.
4 hours later. Kingston: Will we finally got away from that witch! Jaden: Thank you universe! Madison: Wait do you mean witch as in Peyton? Kingston: Yes! Kenya: Red lipstick, Red lipstick, Red lipstick! Kingston: Red lipstick? Mariah: Yes we chose red lipstick is that a ding dang problem?! Kingston: No ma'am. Kenya: Peyton, guys RED LIPSTICK!! Do I have to say it in Spanish? Kingston: Guys Pey is on the way hurry...why? Cause she's looking for us DUMMY! Oliver: Okay ready. Geex.
1 hour later 7:00 p.m. Peyton in creepy way: Hey guys! Where are you! Kenya: Few more minutes! Ysabella: Peyton really has gone crazy!!! Kenya: Yeah shut up real quick! is it in position? Kingston: Sooooon. Kenya: Hury up you ding dang nitwit! Kingston: Blah! Kamrieiana: How is the dieinc? HOW ARE THEY?! Cornelese: There in place and don't spit in my face please. Kamrieiana: Sorry... HURRY UP MAN!!!! Jovani: HURRY Up DUDE!! Cornelese :O SHUT UP JOVANI!!!! Kenya: Hurry!!!
The next morning it was Tuesday, Peyton walked in the classroom feeling kind of mad at her classmates or co-workers. Peyton: Ugh! Stupid teachers!!!!! Leaving me in charge of the dumb class!!!! Jrks I mean JERKS!!!! Aniyah: O DANG It WHY THIS CLASSROOM!!!!!! Peyton: Blah! Aniyah: What? Peyton rolls her eyes at Aniyah. Aniyah: Keep rolling your eyes or they will get stuck up there!! Jarryd and Ethan walk in. Jarryd: O will hello Peyton! Ethan: Yes Hello.
2 mins ago. Kenya, Dijohn, Oliver, Osiris, Nevaeh, Mariah and Madison aka sisters came in. Kenya: Why this idiot? Oliver: Kenya that is mean but true at the same time. Osiris: Gotdang it I hate Peyton- Sometimes. Dijohn: I hate school and Pey too! Nevaeh: I like Pey she is nice. Kenya: Have you even met her?! Mariah: Hey guys listen I don't care about "Pey" I just came here to learn... Okay... now move Ken I got to work! Kenya: I don't blame you, excuse me!
4 minutes earlier. Dreylan, Janiah, Ji'Kyece, Laura, Braylon and Leilani both arrived TARDY. Dreylan: No, I prayed that she would not be here... PRAYED!!! Janiah: You prayed, I PRAYED 23 Times!! Ji'Kyece: Me, 45.
Laura: Enough! Save that for if it's really important! Braylon: And this is not Important!? Leilani: You guys are acting 2 year olds... 2 YEAR OLDS!!!! lets just find our seats... I mean come on, we did all of our work yesterday today will just be fun and games!! Laura: Yeah!!!
3 mins later. David, Ysabella, Kingston, Jazzlyn, Dylan,Tre'von and Jarod came in the classroom. David: Whyyyyyyyyyy! Ysabella: It should be time for Ms.Sumrall and Mrs.Lewis to get back from their stupid Teacher Trip! Kingston: Exactly! Jazzlyn: What are you guys so pissed off about? Dylan: oooooooo....oooooooo....ooooo!!! Tre'von: You said the P word! Jarod: Yeah We telln you momi! Ha...Ha...ha...ha...ha..ha...haeha! Jazzlen mama is goin to be so Mad! Jazzlen: Oh shut up witch face!!!!!!!
23 minutes later. Raymond,Y'uree, Elijah, Jessica and Bryson arrived TARDY As WELL As TARDY. Raymond: Nooooooooo! Y'uree: Yesssssss! Y'uree said yes in a sarcastic way. Jessica: whyyyy what did I do! Elijah: Man I hate School... HATE IT!!! Bryson: Wanna know who I do hate. Anthony and Peyton. Jessica: Because of that long pause thing? Bryson: Yesss, but that's not the point in this situwaytion! Raymond: True! Y'uree: True to that.
45 mins later. Peyton: Will class, hehe I sound so stupid right now but anyway we have 45 pages in our reading book to read, oh my bad... chapters! Anthony: Really? Bryson: She just said we have 45 chapters to read! Were you even listening?! Anthony: I was NOT TA- Peyton: Uh hmmm? Anthony: What...ever. Peyton: Okay guys enough of the mouth moving and more of the reading!!! Jessica: Will my book is tore in the middle section! Peyton: Gasp!!!! Fine I'll fix it! You big cry baby.
Jessica: Thanks?
All the kids came in late about around 10:10 a.m. Kingston: Help! Navaya: Shush! Hey guys we're just reviewing things since you know were in "school", and Peyton is still in charge! Ysabella: Wait why is she in charge? David: Will in contrast Mrs.Lewis and Ms.Sumrall have not returned from their so-one calls it "Vacation" so they put Peyton in charge of us since their is no substitute! Janiah: That sounds soooo stupid! David: Will do you know a substitute? Janiah: No! David: Well then.
Kenya B.
Dad, sad, bad, rad, nad, tad, glad, clad, plaid, had.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
Hello, This is my 4th (out of 9) account. The entire reason behind this post is for future personal benefit (don't ask and f**k off).
Blach6 https://worstjokesever.com/@blach6 Left Site and forgot password
Blach66 https://worstjokesever.com/@blach66 Cleared history and forgot password
Blach66.1 https://worstjokesever.com/@blach661 Banned for Racial Slurs, I think all my N- know what that means.
leoxchingchongbingblachheroine https://worstjokesever.com/@leoxchingchongbingblachheroine Created and Abandoned, during the XL Account duplication rebellion( https://worstjokesever.com/community/p/6612f0fad44f00d05ac4c36e for more info)
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arsonisfuntransgenderblach https://worstjokesever.com/@arsonisfuntransgenderblach Created and Abandoned, during the XL Account duplication rebellion( https://worstjokesever.com/community/p/6612f0fad44f00d05ac4c36e for more info)
ahitlerblach https://worstjokesever.com/@ahitlerblach Created and Abandoned, during the XL Account duplication rebellion( https://worstjokesever.com/community/p/6612f0fad44f00d05ac4c36e for more info)
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Really funny jokes at https://www.ranker.com/list/duck-jokes/jack-napier
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
Chloe Lutwyche, Bella Battese, and Hayley Wilson.
Penis, cheese, butt, cum.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."