Life jokes
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.
It's women that make it hard.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working in an orphanage!
God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.
THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
Kid: Knock knock!
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents XD
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?
It was family size.
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
What did the orphan do when he got punched?
Nothing, because his parents weren't there! :)
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.