Left Jokes

The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,

"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

"You are to young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,

"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house? - in Washington D.C.

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken Have in common? By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme. When he got back to put the thyme away he relized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing it was just a big waste of your thyme.

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

Dear algebra, I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222) so she went to the the doctor on 51st street (6922251) and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless

Stephen hawking went on a date last night She left after 15 minutes complaining she didn't like his tone

Why Couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

What's the difference between my dad and my step dad? My step dad beat my ass before he left

Why can’t you high five a Japanese person

Because Logan Paul left him hanging

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.

my dad told me to do wht he did best so i left

three gay guy walk into a bar there is only one stool left, what do they do

they flip the stool over

John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.