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Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

An orphan made an Instagram, he did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner

A teacher asks a boy in her class “If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?” The boy responds with “None.” The teacher asks why. “They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot.” The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher “3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?” The teacher says “The one sucking it.” The boy says “No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think.”

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I’m gonna have tibia honest: I don’t have any puns left, but I’m pretty sternum, so I’ll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine ro do this.

What does the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me something smells!

No one Beyoncé said to the left to the left she really meant women have no rights

A man once ate the left-side of a person one guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. the man eating him said “No… it’s okay he’s alright now.”

What did the left butt cheek say to the right?

Trump 2020

What did the right eye say to the left?—Between you and me, something smells!

What is bus driver that does not work? A useless one ☝️

What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport

Why are Communists consider d the left? Because they can’t do anythimg right.

i thought i told u the lock up when i left this morning this is why our shit gets stolen all the time

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You’re armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

why didn’t the Japanese guy a high five? logan paul left him hanging

You work at papa’s pizzaria ok?

Boss: your fired! Me: ok? Worker: Why are you fired? Me: oh you wanna know… shows him the oven with my pizza Me: I left my pizza in the oven that bitch burnt as fuck!! Worker: OH SHIT!! Boss: did you say pizza? Me: i sure did! shows boss pizza in oven Me: this hoe black as fuck! Boss: i fired you because i count stop looking at your ass not this why?

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

if there are 12 fish and 6 drown how many are left

12 because fish dont drown

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