Leave jokes

If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?

A European.

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

Wanna hear a joke? Your dad leaving you, you sad clown!

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.

What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?

Leaving, walking.

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.

His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.

The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?

Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.

I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:

"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."

....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.

RIP Meh Soul.

The emo kid went to give a tree a high five.

The tree left him hanging.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

Carly (😊): What a beautiful day, huh?

Bianca (😔): Yes, for you it is.

Carly (😟): What's wrong?

Bianca (😕): Nothing, nothing at all...

Carly (😠): Don't lie to me...

Carly (🤔): Hmmm... Jordan???

Carly (😈): Because if so, I can take him out like this...

Bianca (😔🙄😒): Thank you... no... and I don't give a damn anymore!

Carly (😠): Bianca, trust me, you don't love him anyway!

Bianca (😒): Please, Carlyana, please keep your fucking face out of this.

Carly (😈): No need to curse, I can do that to Jordan if you want...

Bianca (😔): Well... shut your mouth and leave me alone!

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party?

To leave everyone SPEECHLESS!

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.