Learning Jokes

me: the last time I used DUOLINGO was WHEN THE DINOSAURS WENT EXTINCT.

duolingo: lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

I did a good job of being home from school 🏫

Where does banana learn to split at sundae school

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes. My teacher turns to the class and asks “If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?” So I raised my hand and said “Asians have small penis” he looked at me and said “very good. But I was looking for a definition.

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's so he goes home and ask his mom who's cooking "Whats the first letter of the ABC's?" he ask and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!" so then he walks to sister who's signing in the shower and asks her "Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" she responds with "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" then he walks over to his brother who's watching batman and asks "Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC's" and his brother responds with "nu nu nu nu batman" then he proceeds to walk to his dad who's watching football and ask "Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" then he walks to his grandma who's cooking buns and ask her "Whats the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's" Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says "Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?" then he proceeds to say "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principals office then she says "What's you're name son?" he responds with "Nu nu nu nu batman!" then the principal ask "How many spanken's boy?!" he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD" and after that he runs out of the principal's office well yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies "No"

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up" she replied

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says "who do you think you are?"

The boy replies "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says "how do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy them replies "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?

He wanted to be able to finger A minor

IN our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder. And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

Me: Spanish teacher why do we need to learn Spanish? Teacher: because you might go to Mexico and start a job Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?

A kid is learning about planets in school, when he hears the planet Uranus. Knowing it's the perfect opportunity for a joke, the kid replies, "Where's my Anus?"

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

I got kicked out of flight school so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis)

drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys... Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey?!

Stephen Hawking had a high I.Q. but still had to learn how to be disabled.

Why did the rapper go to SCHOOL?

To learn his ABCs (All 'Bout Cash)

I learned that a strangler was targeting me. All I could think was “You’ve got to be choking me

I was to go to space camp, but then I realized I had no space to learn.