Last will jokes

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.

You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

Stephen Hawking's last words were the Windows closing sound.

Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?

One lasts long and another doesn't.

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

What were my great grandpa's last words?

"SHIT MG42!!!"

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."