Christopher Columbus:*Sees native americans* Can i see your land Native amercians:sure just be care.......... Christopher Columbus:Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
3 blonde girls are on an isalnd and they are much to far away from land to swim, they find a genie on the island who offers them each 1 wish the first girl says "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island" so the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island. The next girl says "I wish I was even smarter then her so I don't have to do so much manual labor" so she turns into a brunet and makes a sail boat and lets the wind take her off the island. The finale girl says "I wish I was smarter then both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?" His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes." The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?" "His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking." The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister." The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father." "No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
How is the world like dirt?Because we don't think twice about it.
Maybe the Ocean is salty because the land never waves back
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions
Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first. Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first." The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die." Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
