Know jokes

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?

They don’t know where home is. 😢

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

An African man visits his friend in the US.

“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.

“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He doesn't know where home is.