Know jokes

Hi, here's a joke: You're wasting your time and space, you know it... :D

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He doesn't know where home is.

I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

It’s impossible to put down.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

I don't know what to say.

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

What’s a cow with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.

What's 9 divided by 11?

Well, I know it's less than two alright!

What is the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

What did Robin say to Batman when they were getting chicken?

Hahaha, I don't know.

Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

Person: Because he felt it in his bones?

Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.

I know a lot of jokes, but I could learn a femor.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

What do you call a chair?

I don't know. What?

Oh, hi, Chairity!