Kids jokes

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?

Cocaine.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"You have a great singer inside you."

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

During a phone call:

"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"

"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

I went up to the blind kid and punched him and said bet you didn't see that coming

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.

Where did Hitler send kids with ADHD?

Concentration camp.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.

"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."

"Why not?"

"He keeps peeing in the pool."

"Well, all kids pee in the pool."

"Not from the diving board!"

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.