Kids jokes

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.

I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.

What do priests and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

Why can't two Asians make a white kid?

Two wrongs don't make a white.

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They're both turned on by kids.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOOF"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your Parents."

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.

Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."

"Really?" asked a little girl.

"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."