Kids Jokes

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."

Warning, this is dark.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

The little kid in the corner is me

The image shows two kids on their first day of school. One kid is smiling and standing upright, while the other is lying on the floor, seemingly tired or not wanting to be there. The text on top says, "There's two types of kids on the first day of school."

What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

I gave a blind kid a gun, telling him it was a hair drier.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled children.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.