Kids jokes
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
I gave a blind kid a gun, telling him it was a hair drier.
I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.