Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
Kids Jokes
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Do you know what you call a bunch of depressed kids?
"Suicide Squad!"
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
What did the dad say to the kid?
Nothing, he went to get the milk.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD
Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.
Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.
Me: "/"
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
