Kids jokes

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.

What do you call an Autistic kid?

A work of Daniel.

Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Why did the legless kid think he won a race?

Because everybody already left.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

A kid walks into the classroom on time.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

Who make hard candy for the kids?

Solve.

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.