Kid jokes

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

Me: Brings in missing child.

Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

Me: Oh, cool.

NEXT DAY

Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, I'm Adopt, and you guys hurt my feelings. It is not God :(😔😞😔🥺. I'm just a kid. I'm 7.

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.