How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
Key Jokes
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
Why can't the Ctrl key cross the road? Because it is an 8-lane highway.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Watch Key/Peele "Detective."
One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"
"Incest."
Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
