Key jokes

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

-->[] go through the door if you can.

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

Why can't the Ctrl key cross the road? Because it is an 8-lane highway.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

How does a donkey open a door?

With a don-key.

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?

F5

What did the substrate say to the active site?

"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

Watch Key/Peele "Detective."

Why did the rapper become a locksmith?

Because he always had the KEYS!

One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"

"Incest."

Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?

The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.