Key jokes
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
-->[] go through the door if you can.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Why can't the Ctrl key cross the road? Because it is an 8-lane highway.
A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Watch Key/Peele "Detective."
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"
"Incest."
Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."