Joke jokes
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
What do you call a stoned Mexican?
Baked bean.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.