Joke jokes
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.
I wish my hair was emo so it would cut itself.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
What do you call a stoned Mexican?
Baked bean.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"