Joke Jokes

Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.

Why did my boyfriend leave me?

Because he's gay.

But why did he come back to me?

Because I'm actually a guy :-)

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?

A bath bomb.

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

Why were the Twin Towers knocked over? Chuck Norris was leaning on one of them.

Me, haha, I'm the joke.

What’s the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?

McDonald's has a drive through. Twin Towers has a fly through.

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're never wanted.

What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.

What's an Indian's favorite store?

Red Dot.

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?