Joke jokes

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself

Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.