Joke jokes

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."

What do you call a vegan cow?

A vegan cow. :/

OR

A regular cow. 🐄🙌

Why were the people in the Twin Towers mad? They wanted a drive-through pepperoni pizza, but got a fly-through plane instead.

What is a cow's favorite water sport?

Ca-MOO-ing!

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

What’s red and cries?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What's better than throwing dead babes?

Catching them after with a pitchfork.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Wakanda? Wakanda who? WAKANDA ENDING IS THIS?