Joke jokes

Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?

The waffle iron.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

[pause] You said you’d never forget.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby who?

Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.

What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

I am an Indian joke.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

A liquor cabinet.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch cold.

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.