Joke jokes
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.
What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.