My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Joke Jokes
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
Why did Iran, ran?
Iran said, "I ran away!"
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?
"I Truss-ted you!"
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate nine.
Why couldn’t the midget talk?
Because someone stepped on him.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.