Job jokes

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."

Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.

Probably top.

Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.

Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."

Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.

I love working at an orphanage.

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

What's an orphan's dream job?

A builder, to build themselves a home.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um