Jimmy jokes
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
Why was the egg runny? Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Joe: Why?
Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.
Jimmy: Knock knock.
Joe: Who’s there?
Jimmy: It’s the chicken.
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
Jimmylikeskids4
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.