Jacking Off jokes
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Mpreg is hot af.
I love jacking off to mpreg.
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
Masturbation is better than rough sex.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.
What is a gay person's favorite fast food place?
Jack(off) in the Box.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
Community talk
Say what, say what? Say what, say what? Say what, say what? I say what, say what? (My dick is bigger than yours) Ooh, I say what, say what? I say what, say what? I say what, say what? (My band is bigger than yours) Too bad, I got your beans in my bag You stuck-up sucker, Korny motherfucker Taking over flows is the Limp pimp Need a Bizkit to save this crew from Jon Davis I'm gonna drop a little east side skill Ya best… Read more
True funny story. Today on the school bus I looked at one of the older kids behind me and said “do you like hentai?” Then he said “no do you?”, then I said yeah then he said “do you jack off?” Then i said “yes” then i said “lets shake hands” after we shook hands the girl siting next to him started laughing and said “why did you do that!”, the guy quickly used alot of hand sanitiser after relizeing why i shook his hand