it's jokes
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?” Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly. “Correct,” says the teacher. The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?” Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts. “Correct again,” says the teacher. The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep. This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?” Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.
It's also why he has no eyes.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
I would have told you a cheesy pun, but it was too cheesy. *picks up cheeses*
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you can throw them.
What does a sponge do?
It talks to Patrick.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.