it's jokes

There was a dino at the library today.

It was reading a thesaurus.

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

Person: Because he felt it in his bones?

Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.

Then it hit me.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

How does water say hi?

It waves.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?

None, it's all tongue and groove...

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."