it's jokes

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.

How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?

Half of the class: *raises hand*

Teacher: ...

The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.

My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.

Why did the orange stop?

Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.

Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.