it's jokes

In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.

I mean, I don't see why not.

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?

Because it was a misteak.

If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.

How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?

Half of the class: *raises hand*

Teacher: ...

The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.