it's jokes
It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
Why is the orphan so dumb?
Because he didn’t have parents to pay for it.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.
Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).
Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!
Bully: Ew, no I don't!
Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?
I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
It’s because they can’t find home plate.
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
"Yo mama's so fat, that I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing today!"
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"