it's jokes
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.
What's brown and sticky? A stick with poop on it.
Or a stick with poo on it.
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Q: What was the orphan's first phone?
A: The iPhone X because it had no home button.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
What is a type of cancer that:
Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?
Easy, the answer is Fortnite.
So a man walks into the bar. The bartender looks to him and says, "You look like you're having a rough day, tell me about it?"
The man then stood up and became Mario!
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?
Teacher: What does the pig's skin do?
Student: It keeps pig skin together! 😂
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.