it's jokes
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Why was the number 10 afraid?
Because it was with 9 and 11, and it makes 911.
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
What do you call a genderless child?
It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.
Your forehead is so big it drips pickle juice!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
Why did the ocean wave?
It wanted to say "Hi Tide."
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Joe Mama so dumb, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it is still printing.
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.