it's jokes

Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.

I donated a computer to the orphanage...

It didn’t have a motherboard.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

Why are Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently, a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

Why did the math book look so sad?

Because it has many problems.