it's jokes

Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.

What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.

Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".

I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?

Because it's the average class size.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.

Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.

It's not like they can tell their parents.

Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!

Batman: I’m vengeance.

Dad: Hi Vengeance, I’m dad.

Batman: ...

Dad: Son, it’s been 20 years, please let go.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.

You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!

Can we go back to 2001?

I bet it was more fun back then.