IT jokes
Twin: Hey twin, how's it going?
Twin 2: Weird, twin. Bye.
Twin: Not funny, dude.
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
It's ice to see you.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
What did the shark say when it ate the clownfish?
It tasted funny!
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
A stupid dolphin makes an annoying noise.
The dolphin did it on porpoise.
Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!
What do you put on a cheeseburger? It's a wrap!
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."