IT jokes

Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

Why is it ok to smack an orphan?

What are they going to do? Tell their parents!

The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.

I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.

Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!

Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

I once got raped. I was asking for it though.

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

One at the bottom that's still alive.

What's worse than that?

It's forced to eat its way out.

What's even worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

They are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"