IT jokes
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.