IT jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
Make like a drum and beat it!
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
When is a car not a car?
When it's a house.
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.