IT jokes

I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.

If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".

But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Life is all that matters.

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

Only Fortnite players will get it.

Where do you get salt water? Salty Springs.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.

It crashed in a cemetery.

They recovered 500 bodies.