IT jokes
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.
It was 9/11 all over again.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.