IT jokes
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?
I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"
He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."
Have you eaten at the restaurant on the Moon? It's got good food, but no atmosphere.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
Did you hear the one about the hills?
It was hillarious.
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"