IT jokes
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless!
Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
I watched a movie about bones. It was spine-tingling!
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.