IT jokes
What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?
"It didn't happen, but it should have."
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
Why are priests called father? Because it's not appropriate to call them daddy. Also because it is embarrassing.
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.
Please no harsh comments toward each other.
Why was the stadium so cold?
Because of all its fans!
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.