INS jokes
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life in rhyme.
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They wear their ICE.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
How do rappers stay cool in the summer?
They drop ICE COLD rhymes.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.
What did Rapboat's mom say to Rapboat?
"Is it in yet?"
Why did the human eat cereal in the bathroom?
So he could querk.
I’ve seen more life in a bowl of WEEK-OLD GUACAMOLE than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
Why did the Octopus go down the toilet?
Because he had a toilet call in the drain.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.