INS jokes
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
What does pussy taste like in chocolate cream pie?
Don't ever ask me no damn question like that. I ain't never had no damn chocolate cream pie, you crazy?
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.
*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
Why can’t an orphan play games with a full house in them? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.
What’s your favorite food? Chode in the hole?
My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.
Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?
'Cause he wanted higher grades.
Why is 10 so sad? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.