INS jokes
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?
They both have no way home.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.
Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.