What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
