Impulse jokes

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"